Amy Louise Irving

A Bit Of Everything Blogger

Tuesday, 7 May 2019

Trusting people...trust no one actually


I always think when meeting someone new there’s always that chance that they will become the biggest dickhead in the world – for whatever reason they may just not be what you’re looking for in a friend or whatever it is you’re looking for. Trust can’t always and shouldn’t just be given away, trust is earned, and they have to feel like they can trust you before they do. Perhaps if you tell them a secret and they don’t tell anyone else, if you ask “can I trust you” it’s obvious they’re going to say yes because that’s what they want to hear.

Trust is a really important thing in any friendship or relationship so to do something that the person knows will inevitable hurt them and as a result breaks the trust, you can’t go back to. Say if you’re married to someone and they decide to have an affair with someone else behind your back that is breaking the trust between the both of you. You said in your vows you wouldn’t do anything like that, why risk it to break the trust, forever in fact.

It can be a hard thing to build up but if you know that it’s something you want, you’ll let it take its course and it’ll build up in the time that it takes, even if that’s days, months or years even, keep going and keep doing what you’re doing to gain the trust of the other person. If they don’t trust you straight away, trust that it’s nothing that you’ve done, it’s probably because of the way someone broke the trust in the same situation. Some people are dickheads and they’ll just say what the person wants to hear, not always the best way to gain trust.

Trust is hard to gain and 10x easier to break. You have to think about the right time of when you want to trust them, of course you’d want to trust them straight away, who wouldn’t but sometimes it isn’t as easy as that. Everyone trusts people at different speeds but that’s probably because of how they’ve been treated before in similar or the same situations, if someone says to you they’d be there for you but end up leaving, that’s breaking the trust because they might have promised you they’d never leave, of course not everyone stays, that’s just part of life, but the important people will always stay no matter what.

It seems like a controversial topic to be honest, everyone’s “speed” of trusting people and what people think trusting someone means is different. You should never feel pressured about HAVING to trust someone because of course you don’t have to do that, anyone that wants to gain your trust will understand that it always takes time to gain that, anyone that asks for your trust straight away isn’t really worth knowing, it’s always a better idea to get to know someone first before you fully invest your time and effort into trusting them.

There is no right or wrong time to trusting someone and everyone is different, you’ll want to trust them in your own time, not because people tell you that the time it’s taking you is too long or too short, it’s between two people and if you care about each other you’ll have a mutual understanding of trust and how long it takes for other people because the trust has been broken in the same ways before, but it’s okay, take your time & don’t rush it, inevitably that’s where it all goes wrong.

The time I trusted someone too quickly 
I have only ever trusted someone too quickly once before and because of that aftermath and what happened between us two it’s been difficult for me to trust people, I wouldn’t want the same thing to happen to me twice, it actually resulted in me having a pregnancy scare (blog post about that coming soon) and that experience is one I never want to experience again at least for the wrong reasons, he was a total douche bag about it never wanted to talk to me about it either, I wish I just took the time to trust him more, slowly and so that he trusted me too.

In conclusion all I want to say is don’t force the trust you want between you and someone else, it will come eventually if it is something that you both want. If you both have a mutual understanding of wanting to trust each other, it’s okay that it takes a little longer than usual, actually makes it stronger because you take the time and effort to trust someone! All good in the long run.
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