Amy Louise Irving

A Bit Of Everything Blogger

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

Why I Have No Idea When It Comes To Love

I have always been quite personal with who I share personal information with, whether that's a boyfriend or a friend or someone else who's close to me or at least when I do they break their promises or say something they don’t really mean so I’ve learnt to not say everything to everyone and keep some things to myself.

I literally have no idea when it comes to love and relationships, every time I meet someone new it’s a really scary thing because I don’t know how long it’s going to last, what they’ll do afterwards & what they’ll do all the time that I’m with them.

I’ve had experience with bad relationships in the past so I know exactly what it feels like to love someone and have them not love you back or to have pretend that they love you just to keep you happy, I know what it feels like to feel your heart tear in two because you like someone that much but they're just not interested and I know what it feels like to be used and cheated on just for the sake of it.

I try to trust, honestly but I literally find it so hard given I've been hurt so many times in the past, I literally have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to love and relationships, how do I know what's too much or what is not enough, I'm not even sure if I know so when I get into a new relationship I have my guard up so much it's hard and I sometimes end up just pushing them away because I don't want them to think I don't trust them when I do it's just really hard.

I must admit I am a bit of a hopeless romantic and I do enjoy chocolate covered strawberries and cuddles on the sofa (not exclusively Netflix and chill), I always find that is so cosy!
It's really hard to date in a society where everyone has to be perfect to be excepted and you almost can't date anyone who's "out of your league" without getting ripped to shreds, at least that is my experiences.

And then there is that idea of working out whatever the other person wants without seeing like you're being needy, too much or desperate and you literally just want to know what they want, and then you won't get the wrong idea and the wrong intentions. If someone only wants to hook up with me I'd rather them tell me then talking to them everyday and knowing at the last minute when maybe I would have already developed some sorts of feelings for them which actually I'm not going to lie I do quite quickly.

It’s really hard to know that you can trust someone when you’ve been messed around so much and they just don’t let you know what they want so you just end up getting the wrong idea and that isn’t fun for anyone.

I would like to have a relationship where it’s nothing but true love, where there’s no secrets, no lies, arguments (but always making up afterwards), cute dates, could tell anything too without feeling like I’m being judged or anything, sadly that hasn’t happened so maybe my Prince Charming is stuck up a tree somewhere, that’s possibly the only explanation here.

I don’t have any idea when it comes to love, relationships and dating but that’s okay, I’m stilll only young, I still have time to learn the ropes, although now I’ve had a quite fair share of toxic relationships I do know the signs and what to look for in future boyfriends or people that I’m speaking too. I would like to know that the next guy (or the one currently) actually knows what he wants because I don’t know if I can deal with anymore guys messing me around and not telling me straight about what they want.

It is nice to know what someone wants just so you don’t get the wrong end of the stick and everyone knows what they want. It’s sad when something ends because they weren’t straight about how they feel or what they want and if they were in the first place it wouldn’t need to be like it is now.

I feel like with relationships it’s an easy thing to get suckered into, suddenly a guy is nice to you and you think he is the love of your life when nearly always that isn’t the case, he probably is jUST being nice, I am myself guilty of thinking this but again that is okay, I am still young and I am still learning.

However, to any future boyfriends out there, I hope you like clingyness because that’s going to happen a lot if I am with you, I like to be loved 24/7, I am like tinkerbell, I need attention or else I am going to die. It would be nice to find someone who really cares about me and what I do with my life, doesn’t care about the ins and outs and complications of my life & supports me and is there for me through anything.

It would be a nice thing to talk to someone and get to know everything about them for there to actually be some chemistry there & for there to be an actual relationship both sides rather than just the one side. I think what I would like mostly is for someone to understand me and why I am the way I am, everyone gets days where they don’t want to is anything or talk to anyone and I need someone who will understand that and not just in the sense that I don’t want to talk to anyone, in that I literally don’t want to talk to anyone so that does include him too.

Modern dating sucks, I know but there’s always someone out there for everyone, the point is, when you stop looking, that’s when you’ll find them.

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